How people you love fail you…

Sometimes its hard to believe that the people you love the most are really not the way you always perceived them to be. It comes as a shock but many a times you just repress this sad emptiness and resume back to normal. But somewhere at the back of your mind you know therez certain reality checks you have come across.
The best way to check for those who really love and care for you is to see how well they deal with your absence and silence. And thats the best time to realise whether you are genuinely loved and valued or whether you have been literally wasting your time,love and emotions on someone who never really cared. Sometimes amidst all the efforts you take by going out of your way,you need to slow down,step back,fold your arms and see whether you are being appreciated for it or whether you are doing it only for the sake of the image that you hold for that person. Many of the times one will find that people close to our hearts will never really step forward to take any efforts to make up with you,and when time amd again such things happens its better to move on. Its hard,its tough,its sad. But one has to do it as you are never meant to waste tears on anyone who doesnt value you. Had they loved you enough,you would have known ! And when your own people fail you in life then the journey with them ends then and there 🙂 sometimes even involuntary u should become strong hearted and independent 🙂 The love never ends,but the relation does.

Body Shaming…an evil in itself !!

Ever got the thoughts in your mind while looking at someone else that you need to have that kind of a body figure? Or ever saw someone and thought why he/she looked the way they are? The answer mostly would be yes ofcourse…as we all do that or have done sometimes.
So whats body shaming then? Its rightly defined as inappropriate negative statements and attitudes towards other person weight or size. It can also reach into discrimination against individuals who may be overweight.
We have always seen people around us using derogatory words and labels towards people who are fat or skinny. Why? Are they less of a human? Or we have trained our mind to just focus on the outer appearance and neglect the inner beauty? So this means that you’ll love a person who’s drop dead gorgeous on the outside given the fact that he/she is completely hollow from the inside?

A lot of bullying and self esteem issues revolves around our own body…due to one simple fact…We fail to accept it and love it the way it is.

Critically examining oneself by means of comparisons or passing unsuitable remarks at others leads to this issue of body shaming. There is evidence of cyber bullying as well. Its a common sight to find jokes on being too skinny or too fat/obese… These people are viewed as far less desirable by opposite sex than those who have normal weight. There is a general tendency for people to club positive traits with those people who are attractive and in good shape,than those who are not. Although there is no proven link between them as of now. Does being a person with normal weight make you more loving and caring than others? Or if you are more attractive will it mean you have higher IQ levels?
These notions of body shaming are more prevelant in countries where zero size figures are promoted and preferred such as the USA etc. There are higher chances of people indulging in eating disorders like anorexia nervosa or bulimia…
So much trolling occurs on social networking sites like Facebook,Twitter,Instagram etc. People comment on how overweight women cannot wear bikinis or flaunt their body,or how thin men and women look like stick or hanger which makes them less desirable.
You’ll find how common it is for people to make fun of actresses post pregnancy. How easy to that isnt it? My post is more women centric as the main target of this issue are women as compared to men if rated on intensity and frequency scale and are more susceptible to it.

All this has a greater impact on our mind especially those of the adolescents where they create a negative self image of themselves. How very neglected and insensitive we are towards this topic. Only the one experiencing it can tell the pinching feeling of these negative remarks and its deep seated impact.

Did you ever ponder upon this idea that maybe it took years and lots of encouragement for a person to get comfortable and used to with who they are and when they tried putting a brave front by posting a pic just to see if they are confident enough to do so and suddenly all their built confidence and hopes are shattered by some indecent and not so valuable comments.

Why isnt it taught in great detail how important it is for us to first start respecting our own selves before moving on to others? Why isnt it taught to us to be comfortable with who we are even if all others are behind you,criticising? Why cant we proudly beam at our reflection in the mirror and be happy? Why cant we beam at others and be accepting of them even if they weigh a 100kg? Why do we just form judgements with the way that person looks? WHY? Who are we to set the limits and decide what beauty is… How beautiful the world would have been if our eyes appreciated others by looking at their soul and not their protective shell,their body. Atleast people would not have feelings of guilt,frustration,insecurities,isolation,low self esteem and negative self image due to body shaming.

When you look at your loved one,do you stop loving him/her just because of their looks and body type? No. Do you pass the same remarks to them that you can think of easily passing on to others without being hurt and wounded? No. While commenting do you ever stop and measure your words by tasting them before spitting? Are you yourself perfect? So who demarcated that thinness or being an obese is an imperfection…?
The body is not polluted or imperfect,its the mind. Train it to look at the brighter side. What if the person who you are criticising is completely okay with the way he/she looks…and does not need your free advice. Then what? Ever thought about not giving free advices always? Or situations when its not required? Maybe the person doesnt even know you and you are suggesting a diet chart… Why? No one asked for the insights right. Then why not help those build up confidence who once had but lost it…thanks to the free advisers… It will bring a change in the mindset,the society and would bring satisfaction to your own self.

These days an effort has been made to promote various brands by involving the plus size models which is indeed a great initiative as its about time that we break the schemas and stereotypes and move ahead by being at ease with our body type,without drawing any criticisms for the same. Different shapes and sizes adds to the beauty and variety. After all variety is the spice of life. Find the positives in you and lead a healthy life. Indulge in self love and also learn to accept others.

Dont judge a book by its cover. Dont judge people by their clothes. Dont judge a beautiful soul by the appearance of its protective body. Stop judging and start appreciating.

It is hard for Men to cry…

You must have heard these lines very often that “Real men dont cry”…
Till date i havent been able to understand the reason why… I should rather feel blessed that being a female i have the opportunity to shed my tears freely,whenever and wherever i want to and for whoever i wish to without any major criticisms and stigmas attached.
Although there is indeed a gender difference in terms of crying but we shouldnt fail to accept the fact that their is more cultural acceptance,tolerance and habituation towards woman’s tears than that of a man. The socialization techniques and child rearing practises adopted by parents is such that it explicitly and implicitly teaches men not to cry as crying is seen more of a feminine feature and a characteristic that might lower a man’s masculinity. Thus if a boy sheds a single tear, there would be hundreds of people behind him telling him to wipe it off before anyone sees it. In short men are taught to suppress their emotions, their feelings, their hurt and deep seated agony. Why? Because if they express it they’ll be weak,amateur,girlish,stupid and “not a man”. They’ll be told not to behave like a girl.

The irony is that when these boys grow up to become men who dont cry easily, and react less, they are thought to be less human than all of us…and are labelled as hard hearted,rational,practical and emotionless creatures. But dont forget this is the same society that is teaching them to be so. This does not mean that men dont feel or they dont get hurt when you give them rude comments…or that they dont get excited and care about you enough. They do. It just requires a bit more sensitivity and a caring heart to realise that he will forever fail to express,he’ll always be blunt and rude…,he’ll continue to show how mature and rational he is but at the end of the day even he is a human with the same blood and flesh like ours and a heart that seems hard but is actually pure gold. Someone who needs pampering and equal love but wont show. They do cry when they are alone,when no one is around…so whats the harm of accepting this harmless act in public? Why convert it into a private act that is otherwise considered shameful and embarassing?
A famous singer and song writer Andrea Bocelli once stated that “I dont like crying. I’m a country boy,and we’re the product of our upbringing. As a boy i was told that men do not cry”.

According to world crying expert, Professor Ad Vingerhoets of Tilburg University, women cry 30 to 64 times a year on average, compared to six to 17 times for men. Suppression and failure to expess emotions make one more prone to suicides. In India,according to WHO,the suicide rate is 16.4 per 100,000 for women and 25.8 for men.
Even worldwide it has become far more clear that men are more prone to suicide than women. In some countries like U.S and Ireland,men are approximately 4 times more likely to commit suicide than women.Over 90% of suicides are underpinned by mental health issues(depression,stress,anxiety) and an inability to communicate ones own problems to others and unable to find a solution for the same.

Men are forced to believe that they need to be independent,strong,responsible and autonomous… This is the society’s way of defining a man as a normal human being. Anyone who deviates from this accepted standard is shunned and criticised by the society.

What the society needs is a change of mindset. If men and women are walking the path of equality then there should be an equal acceptance of their emotional states. We need to realise the negative impacts of teaching young impressionistic minds to suppress their true feelings and pretend to be someone who they are not. Why to build such rigid schemas and stereotypes? Its time to break them and embrace the very simple idea that men can cry. To show them that there are people who’ll listen and understand them. We all have guys all around us be it your father,brother,husband,boyfriend,friend or anyone else. Why not help them to express who they are in the truest sense? To tell them that they would be loved and respected even if they cry… Help them realise that crying is not a sign of weakness…it simply shows that you feel and care. Its not bad to be sensitive.

Its the need of the hour to realise the importance of this topic as it affects ones mental,psychological,emotional and physical health. Dont let culture play with your emotions and make you a caged pigeon. Learn to fly by following the instructions of your brain but dont forget to take along your heart. Hug your valued man and tell him how special he is and that by being a bit more open he’s just making life more easy. Let them feel light hearted too.
After all we ought to see their cute crying faces all snorty and red faced for once in life.

Crying doesnt indicate that you are weak. Since birth it has always been a sign that you are alive 🙂 ❤
So,have a good cry and wash out your heart. If u keep it inside,it will tear you apart… 🙂

When life changes…

What if i say we all are really lucky and blessed? Abstract statement? I know…. Let me share an incident… Being a student of Psychology, i recently visited a non profit organization where people with different problems,street children, those with MR(mental retardation), differently abled etc are given a proper place to stay,to eat,to sleep etc. There i met two brothers who have a rare disorder of Friedreich Ataxia…. They developed it at around 17-18 years of age and it is found only in boys that too 1 in 50,000. The organs, body parts starting from legs and hands begins to deteriorate and slowly it affects your heart, lungs etc. It doesn’t affect your brain, hence your cognitive processes remains intact.

They both are in about their early 40s. Both are bright and educated and have desires and aspirations like we do. Just imagine that life is going on normally, where your mother is running behind you with food of your choice, you are bright and happy, pampered kids,and everything is up-to date….just then you begin showing symptoms of one of the rarest disorders that has no definite cure and you find your bright life getting shattered as if entering a tunnel with no end to it. Its not only heart breaking but heart wrenching too. Today they are kept at a place where parents visit just once a month, these brothers cant carry out their basic self help skills with ease and need an attendant, cant even turn sides on bed and if they fall from their bed at night, they simply cry. I asked them if they like the food here to which they simply replied that there is no mother here to look after you and your taste buds. They value their parents and especially sister a lot…as they both wear a green band given by her, but then they cant meet them every now and then. In short they are robbed of their happiness and joy that has created a vacuum that just sucks their life’s motive day by day. The youngest brother is a quite chap and is tech-savvy but is unable to operate laptops as his fingers have curled up. Yet he pleads to be given a chance as he has that sparkling desire to atleast pursue one thing he loves in his typically hopeless life.The elder brother on the other hand is a loquacious person and has a passion for books, so he keeps on reading novels and requested one from me too. I left my number with him and in a joking manner told him how am sure he wont call me back. This one thought changed one aspect of his thinking. He thought about my dialogue and couldn’t sleep for 2 nights as since 5 yrs he never tried saving a number in his phone. My heart leaped with joy when till date i receive his calls….
After visiting here, i realised how precious our relations are. They don’t get anyone to talk to, to share their feelings and they have so much deep seated agony in their hearts which they haven’t easily let out. Yet one of them is so positive and optimistic and he wants to die with a smile on his face. A tear dropped from my eye which i was trying too hard to control…and their thoughts lingered on my mind for nights. The lesson i learnt is that of relations and life in general. When you have loving and caring people around you, VALUE THEM, feel blessed and make them feel special as they care for you daily. I value it more now because i have visited a place where people have just this one main wish that they get people to talk to and to have those around who can love and for care for them.

When you know there’s nothing but hopelessness and helplessness, yet you choose to smile….that’s when life begins 🙂

Hope this post gives you some insight into how blessed you are… Keep giving your suggestions. Happy Reading 🙂