Tag Archive | masculinity

It is hard for Men to cry…

You must have heard these lines very often that “Real men dont cry”…
Till date i havent been able to understand the reason why… I should rather feel blessed that being a female i have the opportunity to shed my tears freely,whenever and wherever i want to and for whoever i wish to without any major criticisms and stigmas attached.
Although there is indeed a gender difference in terms of crying but we shouldnt fail to accept the fact that their is more cultural acceptance,tolerance and habituation towards woman’s tears than that of a man. The socialization techniques and child rearing practises adopted by parents is such that it explicitly and implicitly teaches men not to cry as crying is seen more of a feminine feature and a characteristic that might lower a man’s masculinity. Thus if a boy sheds a single tear, there would be hundreds of people behind him telling him to wipe it off before anyone sees it. In short men are taught to suppress their emotions, their feelings, their hurt and deep seated agony. Why? Because if they express it they’ll be weak,amateur,girlish,stupid and “not a man”. They’ll be told not to behave like a girl.

The irony is that when these boys grow up to become men who dont cry easily, and react less, they are thought to be less human than all of us…and are labelled as hard hearted,rational,practical and emotionless creatures. But dont forget this is the same society that is teaching them to be so. This does not mean that men dont feel or they dont get hurt when you give them rude comments…or that they dont get excited and care about you enough. They do. It just requires a bit more sensitivity and a caring heart to realise that he will forever fail to express,he’ll always be blunt and rude…,he’ll continue to show how mature and rational he is but at the end of the day even he is a human with the same blood and flesh like ours and a heart that seems hard but is actually pure gold. Someone who needs pampering and equal love but wont show. They do cry when they are alone,when no one is around…so whats the harm of accepting this harmless act in public? Why convert it into a private act that is otherwise considered shameful and embarassing?
A famous singer and song writer Andrea Bocelli once stated that “I dont like crying. I’m a country boy,and we’re the product of our upbringing. As a boy i was told that men do not cry”.

According to world crying expert, Professor Ad Vingerhoets of Tilburg University, women cry 30 to 64 times a year on average, compared to six to 17 times for men. Suppression and failure to expess emotions make one more prone to suicides. In India,according to WHO,the suicide rate is 16.4 per 100,000 for women and 25.8 for men.
Even worldwide it has become far more clear that men are more prone to suicide than women. In some countries like U.S and Ireland,men are approximately 4 times more likely to commit suicide than women.Over 90% of suicides are underpinned by mental health issues(depression,stress,anxiety) and an inability to communicate ones own problems to others and unable to find a solution for the same.

Men are forced to believe that they need to be independent,strong,responsible and autonomous… This is the society’s way of defining a man as a normal human being. Anyone who deviates from this accepted standard is shunned and criticised by the society.

What the society needs is a change of mindset. If men and women are walking the path of equality then there should be an equal acceptance of their emotional states. We need to realise the negative impacts of teaching young impressionistic minds to suppress their true feelings and pretend to be someone who they are not. Why to build such rigid schemas and stereotypes? Its time to break them and embrace the very simple idea that men can cry. To show them that there are people who’ll listen and understand them. We all have guys all around us be it your father,brother,husband,boyfriend,friend or anyone else. Why not help them to express who they are in the truest sense? To tell them that they would be loved and respected even if they cry… Help them realise that crying is not a sign of weakness…it simply shows that you feel and care. Its not bad to be sensitive.

Its the need of the hour to realise the importance of this topic as it affects ones mental,psychological,emotional and physical health. Dont let culture play with your emotions and make you a caged pigeon. Learn to fly by following the instructions of your brain but dont forget to take along your heart. Hug your valued man and tell him how special he is and that by being a bit more open he’s just making life more easy. Let them feel light hearted too.
After all we ought to see their cute crying faces all snorty and red faced for once in life.

Crying doesnt indicate that you are weak. Since birth it has always been a sign that you are alive 🙂 ❤
So,have a good cry and wash out your heart. If u keep it inside,it will tear you apart… 🙂

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