Archive | June 2016

It is hard for Men to cry…

You must have heard these lines very often that “Real men dont cry”…
Till date i havent been able to understand the reason why… I should rather feel blessed that being a female i have the opportunity to shed my tears freely,whenever and wherever i want to and for whoever i wish to without any major criticisms and stigmas attached.
Although there is indeed a gender difference in terms of crying but we shouldnt fail to accept the fact that their is more cultural acceptance,tolerance and habituation towards woman’s tears than that of a man. The socialization techniques and child rearing practises adopted by parents is such that it explicitly and implicitly teaches men not to cry as crying is seen more of a feminine feature and a characteristic that might lower a man’s masculinity. Thus if a boy sheds a single tear, there would be hundreds of people behind him telling him to wipe it off before anyone sees it. In short men are taught to suppress their emotions, their feelings, their hurt and deep seated agony. Why? Because if they express it they’ll be weak,amateur,girlish,stupid and “not a man”. They’ll be told not to behave like a girl.

The irony is that when these boys grow up to become men who dont cry easily, and react less, they are thought to be less human than all of us…and are labelled as hard hearted,rational,practical and emotionless creatures. But dont forget this is the same society that is teaching them to be so. This does not mean that men dont feel or they dont get hurt when you give them rude comments…or that they dont get excited and care about you enough. They do. It just requires a bit more sensitivity and a caring heart to realise that he will forever fail to express,he’ll always be blunt and rude…,he’ll continue to show how mature and rational he is but at the end of the day even he is a human with the same blood and flesh like ours and a heart that seems hard but is actually pure gold. Someone who needs pampering and equal love but wont show. They do cry when they are alone,when no one is around…so whats the harm of accepting this harmless act in public? Why convert it into a private act that is otherwise considered shameful and embarassing?
A famous singer and song writer Andrea Bocelli once stated that “I dont like crying. I’m a country boy,and we’re the product of our upbringing. As a boy i was told that men do not cry”.

According to world crying expert, Professor Ad Vingerhoets of Tilburg University, women cry 30 to 64 times a year on average, compared to six to 17 times for men. Suppression and failure to expess emotions make one more prone to suicides. In India,according to WHO,the suicide rate is 16.4 per 100,000 for women and 25.8 for men.
Even worldwide it has become far more clear that men are more prone to suicide than women. In some countries like U.S and Ireland,men are approximately 4 times more likely to commit suicide than women.Over 90% of suicides are underpinned by mental health issues(depression,stress,anxiety) and an inability to communicate ones own problems to others and unable to find a solution for the same.

Men are forced to believe that they need to be independent,strong,responsible and autonomous… This is the society’s way of defining a man as a normal human being. Anyone who deviates from this accepted standard is shunned and criticised by the society.

What the society needs is a change of mindset. If men and women are walking the path of equality then there should be an equal acceptance of their emotional states. We need to realise the negative impacts of teaching young impressionistic minds to suppress their true feelings and pretend to be someone who they are not. Why to build such rigid schemas and stereotypes? Its time to break them and embrace the very simple idea that men can cry. To show them that there are people who’ll listen and understand them. We all have guys all around us be it your father,brother,husband,boyfriend,friend or anyone else. Why not help them to express who they are in the truest sense? To tell them that they would be loved and respected even if they cry… Help them realise that crying is not a sign of weakness…it simply shows that you feel and care. Its not bad to be sensitive.

Its the need of the hour to realise the importance of this topic as it affects ones mental,psychological,emotional and physical health. Dont let culture play with your emotions and make you a caged pigeon. Learn to fly by following the instructions of your brain but dont forget to take along your heart. Hug your valued man and tell him how special he is and that by being a bit more open he’s just making life more easy. Let them feel light hearted too.
After all we ought to see their cute crying faces all snorty and red faced for once in life.

Crying doesnt indicate that you are weak. Since birth it has always been a sign that you are alive 🙂 ❤
So,have a good cry and wash out your heart. If u keep it inside,it will tear you apart… 🙂

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Communication Gap

Life is so ironic. It takes sadness to know happiness, noise to appreciate silence and absence to Value Presence….

Today’s generation is so very prone to breaking relations with the blink of an eye… For them its a child play. By saying this i am not denying the fact that they dont maintain or value relations but simply that its getting easy for people to forget their close ones and “move on”.
The root cause is the all time evil…Miscommunication or Communication Gap. This is true of every possible relation till date…be it husband-wife,girlfriend-boyfriend,parents and their children,brother and sister,friends and so on…as the list is endless.
When you love and care for someone,learn to keep your ego aside. Also learn to stop saying that the other one should take initiatives. Its beautifully said that while counting the stars you can actually lose the moon. Have you ever imagined how come its easy for you to forgive yourself even after making hundreds and thousands of mistakes but its so difficult for you to forget one mistake that your loved one makes?

We are living in the virtual world today where everything is available online…including people…like online chatting,finding your matched pairs through wedding sites,whatsapp and facebook just to name a few. The human touch and contact which is so important for us to maintain our relations is absent these days. We fight and argue and even decide to ignore and shut the person…but we dont try to call and meet for sorting out the same issues. Things and emotions pile up and and are never resolved.
In the battle between love and ego…let love win. You have someone who says I Love You almost daily? Or show them in their acts? KEEP THEM. It require guts and consistent feelings to do so… Not everyone can. Appreciate this and revert back in whatever ways possible. In todays time selfishness and self interest are the upperhands. In this darkness if you are getting hold of caring people then they are your very ray of light and hope. Dont shut them down. Embrace them with open arms. You never know which is the last moment you would be spending with your loved ones. They fight with u? So what? Why would someone spend their energy and tears if they dont love u? Stop,think and then understand why they are doing so. Its not worth to jump to conclusions many a times without giving a second thought. And dont form assumptions.

Follow these three rules always….1) accept when someone complains about you 2) dont argue or give unnecessary justifications…simply say sorry… 3) ask for solutions so that u dont repeat… And dont forget to say i love u.
Thats it. This way the one offended and hurt would feel better and respected and the problem would be sorted too. Always remember the key to any relation is communication. When you have been given the ability to speak so why not speak something good and build that up into something strong? Why let go of good people for silly and stupid misunderstandings? Why not say a simple sorry and I love you when you can? Why wait for the time when they have already left? Why let someone go to sleep with tears in their eyes? Why not call them once and simply say please sleep well,i am always with you…? Why stay silent and ignore when you can make that person feel special as he/she is a part of your own heart? Why not complement them for each thing they do for u? Why not take the responsibility to set their mood on track with your little efforts? WHY? Arent they those people you yourself love? Do answer the why parts for own yourself… For once learn to introspect.

So surprise whom you love with calls,visits,outings,small cute gifts and lovely messages daily… Click pics of every moment so that years later you can look back again and feel the happiness to relive the moment. Never lose a chance to enjoy… And never lose any opportunity to make them smile. For they smile…you would too.

So, Never leave a true relation when u see some faults… Be patient and realise that nobody is perfect…
Its affection that matters and not perfection.

When life changes…

What if i say we all are really lucky and blessed? Abstract statement? I know…. Let me share an incident… Being a student of Psychology, i recently visited a non profit organization where people with different problems,street children, those with MR(mental retardation), differently abled etc are given a proper place to stay,to eat,to sleep etc. There i met two brothers who have a rare disorder of Friedreich Ataxia…. They developed it at around 17-18 years of age and it is found only in boys that too 1 in 50,000. The organs, body parts starting from legs and hands begins to deteriorate and slowly it affects your heart, lungs etc. It doesn’t affect your brain, hence your cognitive processes remains intact.

They both are in about their early 40s. Both are bright and educated and have desires and aspirations like we do. Just imagine that life is going on normally, where your mother is running behind you with food of your choice, you are bright and happy, pampered kids,and everything is up-to date….just then you begin showing symptoms of one of the rarest disorders that has no definite cure and you find your bright life getting shattered as if entering a tunnel with no end to it. Its not only heart breaking but heart wrenching too. Today they are kept at a place where parents visit just once a month, these brothers cant carry out their basic self help skills with ease and need an attendant, cant even turn sides on bed and if they fall from their bed at night, they simply cry. I asked them if they like the food here to which they simply replied that there is no mother here to look after you and your taste buds. They value their parents and especially sister a lot…as they both wear a green band given by her, but then they cant meet them every now and then. In short they are robbed of their happiness and joy that has created a vacuum that just sucks their life’s motive day by day. The youngest brother is a quite chap and is tech-savvy but is unable to operate laptops as his fingers have curled up. Yet he pleads to be given a chance as he has that sparkling desire to atleast pursue one thing he loves in his typically hopeless life.The elder brother on the other hand is a loquacious person and has a passion for books, so he keeps on reading novels and requested one from me too. I left my number with him and in a joking manner told him how am sure he wont call me back. This one thought changed one aspect of his thinking. He thought about my dialogue and couldn’t sleep for 2 nights as since 5 yrs he never tried saving a number in his phone. My heart leaped with joy when till date i receive his calls….
After visiting here, i realised how precious our relations are. They don’t get anyone to talk to, to share their feelings and they have so much deep seated agony in their hearts which they haven’t easily let out. Yet one of them is so positive and optimistic and he wants to die with a smile on his face. A tear dropped from my eye which i was trying too hard to control…and their thoughts lingered on my mind for nights. The lesson i learnt is that of relations and life in general. When you have loving and caring people around you, VALUE THEM, feel blessed and make them feel special as they care for you daily. I value it more now because i have visited a place where people have just this one main wish that they get people to talk to and to have those around who can love and for care for them.

When you know there’s nothing but hopelessness and helplessness, yet you choose to smile….that’s when life begins 🙂

Hope this post gives you some insight into how blessed you are… Keep giving your suggestions. Happy Reading 🙂